


maybe i was just running away (as if it's such a bad thing)

by leifstroganoff



Category: Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, heartsongs, i'll never get better at using tags, idiots to lovers, so much pining, they both sing heart songs and zoey tells them they're idiots that's it that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26741482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leifstroganoff/pseuds/leifstroganoff
Summary: Zoey’s a pretty simple person. She likes to think she has simple needs, simple wants. But right now? All she thinks is that it would be pretty great if her coworkers stopped singing. For example, now she’s sitting at her desk, staring aimlessly at the wall of code on her laptop in front of her, trying to fix a stupid, simple bug and all she can focus on is Leif’s voice drifting yearningly over from where he stands at his desk.
Relationships: Tobin Batra/Leif Donnelly
Comments: 10
Kudos: 58





	maybe i was just running away (as if it's such a bad thing)

**Author's Note:**

> alright so. i've been working on this since MARCH. since _march_. it might not look like it but i'm so relieved to be done with this!! i had a mental block on it for a while and then i came back to it and inspiration was flowing!!   
> the title is from _falling in love with your best friend_ by paul baribeau  
> and the heartsongs are _fools fall in love_ and _i don't want to_ both by elvis (though, i listened to the versions from all shook up lmao)

Zoey’s a pretty simple person. She likes to think she has simple needs, simple wants. But right now? All she thinks is that it would be pretty great if her coworkers _stopped singing_. She doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to being taken away from the actual tasks that take up her day to pay attention to one of her coworkers singing about their feelings.

It’s not that she’s ungrateful for her power and she’d be the first to admit that it’s helped her more than she could ever measure. But sometimes it really is just a pain; for example, now she’s sitting at her desk, staring aimlessly at the wall of code on her laptop in front of her, trying to fix a stupid, simple bug and all she can focus on is Leif’s voice drifting yearningly over from where he stands at his desk.

_Fools fall in love just like schoolgirls, blinded by rose colored dreams_

_Well, guess focusing is a lost cause, anyways._ She leans away from her laptop and focuses on him; watching him lean back with his arms resting against his standing desk, staring out into the open space of the office.

_They build their castles on wishes, with only rainbows for beams_

It’s usually at least a little bit straightforward - hurt feelings, lies, secrets - but Leif’s soft longing voice doesn't seem to be calling out for anything specific. _He’s in love and he’s doubtful._ But with who? And, more importantly, how the hell is Zoey supposed to help? For one, Leif doesn’t even like her and would never share anything that vulnerable with her. And second, the only person she _knows_ that Leif’s even been involved with is… _Joan_ , and if he’s stuck on her again, then that’s just not a road she wants to go down helping; she’s had her fair share of meddling in that specific department and she doesn’t really think she can take another sad, drunk Leif singing karaoke - _badly,_ at that.

Or _someone else is in love and he’s… judging them for it?_ While that level of ridiculous seems appropriate for Leif “Envious” Donnelly, she can’t help but think even he wouldn’t be _that_ bitter (or, at least, not passionate enough about that bitterness to manifest a heartsong).

_They're making plans for the future, when they should be playin' it cool  
_ _I used to laugh but now I understand, shake the hand of a brand new fool_

_Oh, okay. So,_ he’s _the fool._ She kind of already knew he was messed up but _gee_ , this guy’s got _issues._ Issues that are _apparently_ now also _her_ issues.

She opts to forget about it for now - after all, she has work to do. And the pining man in question has now dropped all sense of longing and turned back around, now intensely typing on his laptop, wrapped back up into his work.

She’s successful in pushing it to the back of her mind until everybody’s packing up to leave for the day and her stomach drops as she hears the same notes she heard earlier in the day, followed immediately by a soft voice. _So, it’s one of these, then?_

_Fools fall in love in a hurry, fools give their hearts much too soon_

This time, he’s not staring into the middle of the office hopelessly. His gaze is pointed and sad and longing and she can see exactly where it ends; Tobin.

_Just play them two bars of stardust, just hang out one silly moon_

She tries to choke back the shock of her realization, eyes moving quickly between the two boys in question. Leif has stepped away from his desk now, backpack slung over his shoulders and bike helmet held tight against his chest, almost like a defense.

_They've got their love torches burning, when they should be playing it cool_

He’s only a foot away from Tobin now, intense gaze focused on the other coder as he packs up his workspace for the day. She almost feels bad for him and how absolutely _pitiful_ he looks.

_I used to laugh but now I understand, shake the hand of a brand new fool_

With a small, sad smile, he extends his hand towards Tobin, before dropping it with a shrug and then he’s back in the moment, waiting by Tobin’s desk, presumably so they can leave together.

She is absolutely not looking forward to helping with this one. But... she’d also like to stop hearing about fools falling in love at _some point_ , so she guesses she doesn’t really have a choice in the matter.

* * *

She waits until the next day to talk to him (what’s she supposed to do, follow him home?), but she keeps putting it off. It never feels like the right time; someone else is around or he gets pulled away before she can make her way to the _helping him out_ part. She never knew he was actually such a _busy guy,_ who happened to be, like, _actual friends_ with the other brogrammers.

She finally thinks maybe she’s got a chance to bring it up when everyone else has left for the day and they’re the only ones left at the office (she doesn’t quite wanna acknowledge that they don’t have any big projects happening and there’s not _really_ any reason for both of them to be working late aside from just not wanting to go home).

“Hey, Leif,” Zoey greets him as he’s getting coffee from the coffee bar, drawing out the ‘hey’ and trying to hold in an ill-timed laugh when he almost knocks his drink over out of surprise.

“Zoey,” He looks back down to continue to stir his coffee, clearly trying to act like he didn’t just jump two feet out of his skin. “What’s up?”

“Um, nothing, I just, uh,” _C’mon, out with it._ “Do you, hypothetically, maybe like someone?”

She watches his back tense up, hands stilling and head slowly turning over his shoulder, suspicious eyes falling on her after what feels like minutes of silence. His eyes are guarded, suspicion at the forefront, but she can see a little further back that there’s an anxious fear underlying that.

“That _really_ depends on why you’re asking.”

His voice is guarded and she notes that he sounds _scared_ more than anything, though there’s definitely also heavy wariness and skepticism surrounding it.

“Right, well, I just know that --” She catches herself, trying to choose her words carefully. “I _suspect_ that maybe you might have feelings for a certain, uh, _bro_ and that _maybe_ you might… not want to have those feelings. You might feel like... a _fool_ for having those feelings.”

His mouth opens and closes several times as he seems to process what she’s saying before he finally gets actual words to come out.

_“How do you do that?”_ He’s dumbstruck as he turns completely around, hands braced against the coffee bar behind him as he holds his jaw tight. “I’m really tired of you knowing exactly what’s going on in my head, it’s kinda freaking me out.”

_Well, so much for an easy conversation._

“Let’s call it _intuition._ ” Close enough. “Or just the fact that you’ve been staring at him during work hours… like... _a lot?_ ”

He looks indignant and like he’s about to put up a fight (because when could a conversation about a heartsong _ever_ be easy?) before he deflates and honestly, he looks more _pathetic_ than anything.

“Am I really that obvious?”

_Well, **no.** But thank god he’s not pushing it._

“Maybe not to everyone?” Her words are accompanied by a small, almost apologetic, smile as she decides to grab a cup from the station, hoping that if she busies her hands it’ll make the conversation easier. “It looks like you’ve got it bad, though.”

“I mean, I didn’t think I liked him like that,” He’s still turned around, coffee forgotten on the bar behind him as Zoey starts getting her own, seeming to jump on the chance to actually talk about this and _that’s good, at least_. “Or, I thought, y’know, I would’ve realized sooner if I did, but lately it’s like… it’s like everything he does makes me wanna throw up, which I realize now sounds like I _don’t_ like him, but it’s like my stomach’s in knots and that’s the only way I can untie them, and when he touches me, which I didn’t realize how much we _touch each other_ , it feels like my skin is on fire and I never want him to stop and _that_ makes me feel creepy because I mean, what if he knew that’s what I was thinking, right? He’d never wanna touch me again and I--” He stops to take a breath, possibly for the first time since he’d started talking; it seems that once he’d started talking, the words had just started flowing, like they’d been stuck up in his head for too long, pushing and pushing until they all came spilling out. “I can’t stop talking, huh?”

“Well, that’s a lot to unpack.” She carefully takes a sip of her coffee, her heart tugging a little bit at how strung out he looks. At some point during the many, many words he’d said, he ran his hand through his hair and now his arms are crossed across his chest and he’s holding onto his bicep like maybe if he holds on tight enough he won’t be in love with his best friend. “Maybe we don’t need to unpack it, though. Have you considered… maybe just telling him that that’s how you feel?”

His eyes move from the ground where his gaze has been fixed up to meet her own again and she can’t quite describe what she sees in them, the blue accentuated by how glossy they’ve become.

“Why would I do that?”

_Are you kidding me?_

“Because you like him?” She kind of wants to punch him for how absolutely obtuse he is. “Because you’re _very_ clearly torn up by this and maybe, if you tell him and you can talk this out with him, you’ll stop…” _Singing to him, so, so obnoxiously._ “ _Being torn up about it._ ”

“Listen, Zoey,” He starts, finally turning around and gathering his coffee, the walls that had started to retreat coming back up in full force as he takes a sip of his coffee (seemingly more as an excuse to take a deep breath than anything else) before turning his gaze back to her. “As much as I appreciate your _seemingly unstoppable_ motivation to meddle in my love life, apparently _constantly,_ I think I’ve been repressing this for… _quite a long time._ I don’t think a few extra years of repression’ll kill me.”

_No, but it might kill **Zoey** if she has to keep hearing that damn song. And _he’s started to walk away.

“Wait,” She calls out as he’s almost at his desk, her thoughts running just a little behind her actual actions. “Hang on, you said you’ve been repressing this for years, which, _we don’t have time to unpack that, **but**_ … you’re not repressing it anymore. You’re aware of it. You said it yourself, you feel like you wanna throw up, your skin burns, blah, blah, blah. You can’t keep ignoring this, Leif. Don’t you owe it to Tobin, at least?”

“Why do you _care?_ ” He’s indignant now, shoving things into his backpack to get ready to leave; his entire energy is very _un-Leif-like._ His movements are sharp and jagged and it feels like every second she tries to help him is making him close in on himself more.

It’s not like she can answer the question _honestly._ She cares because if she doesn’t help him she’s gonna be hearing the same song (that she’s now aware of as a _‘classic Elvis song’_ ) for who knows how long. She can’t say it’s because she cares about _him,_ either, God knows he would call her bluff on that one.

“I think you two would be cute together.” What? It’s not a _lie._

_“Zoey.”_

“No, seriously,” She’s stepped in front of him where he was moving to leave the bullpen and she hates how she has to look up so far to talk to him. “And I… I think he likes you, too.” _Not technically a lie?_ She’s really pushing the line here. She feels _worse_ when she sees a spark of hope in his eyes. “Consider talking to him?”

His eyes linger on hers before he lets out the breath he started to hold in his chest and skirts around her, distinctly _not_ answering and leaving her standing at his desk alone.

“Alright, uh, _goodnight.”_

* * *

She can’t actually tell if he ignored her or not. Nothing seems _different_ at work, other than that she’s acutely more aware of how many times he glances behind him or how his smile is just a little wistful when Tobin throws an arm around him while they’re goofing off before their lunch break. She’s not heard him sing again, though, and she’s also not heard the song anywhere else, so she thinks she might be in the clear.

She doesn’t think about it for another two weeks. It turns out that thinking she was in the clear was a _mistake._

This time, it’s her, Tobin, and Leif all staying late because there’s yet another deadline approaching on The Chirp (when is there not?) and they’re all terribly behind _(when are they not?)_. She’s honestly surprised that Tobin decided to stay, given his horrible track record of _caring about work_ and his stout avoidance of putting in extra work unless he absolutely had to. _Maybe he really is changing for the better,_ she notes.

First, she notices that he’s zoned out. _Then_ she notices exactly where his zoned out gaze is staring, right at Leif where he sits in a hanging chair, seemingly tired enough to stop standing for at least a little bit. _Then_ she hears the opening chords and _shit._ C’mon, man, can’t she have one day?

_I don't want to, I don't want to  
_ _I don't want to let you know how much I want you_

_Okay._ So, now _Tobin’s_ singing about _wanting_ and sounding so goddamn heartfelt as he stands up and starts to make his way around to the front of his desk. She leans back in her chair, once more abandoning the work in front of her as she takes in the other man.

_Don't come near me, I don't trust you  
_ _I don't trust the way you thrill me when I touch you_

He sits down on the edge of his desk, sharp and jagged and _scared_ and Zoey almost feels bad for him. His eyes are downcast, almost shameful. Which she guesses makes sense since the vibe of this song seems to be Tobin _not wanting._ And wanting. At the same time. She’s a lot more confused by this one than she wants to be.

_I was happy, free and easy, I could go around  
_ _And do the things that please me_

He’s wistful, fluid and languid as he circles around to one of the swing seats and leans back onto it, letting it take him forward as his hands grip the ropes, head leaning onto one of them as he _literally yearns._ Whether the yearning is directed at Leif or this seemingly free life he… _misses?_ She’s not sure. Is this some sort of weird guilt thing? God, she wishes literally anything about either of them made _sense._

_I don't want to get tied down to someone like you  
_ _I don't want to ... love you, but I do_

The swing keeps swinging behind him when he pushes forward and walks towards where Leif is in the hanging chair, blissfully unaware of the confusing mantra of _want_ and _not wanting_ , fingers tapping away at whatever bit of code he had started working on.

_I was happy, free and easy, I could go around  
_ _And do the things that please me_

His voice is stronger now and the music is swelling as he falls behind him into the hanging chair across from Leif, repeating the same _confusing_ sentiment and she’s still trying to parse what it _means_ for Tobin.

_I don't want to get tied down to someone like you_

He pushes forward, standing in front of Leif, uncharacteristically looking _down_ at Leif. What does he mean “ _someone like you”?_ Someone uptight, evil, snivelly, snake-like? _No, those are all your thoughts, Zoey._ A man, maybe? Tobin does seem like the type to not be _comfortable_ with that part of himself if he does love Leif.

_I don't want to ... love you, but I do  
_ _I don't want to love you, but I do_

He finally leaves Leif’s side, meandering back towards his own desk and finishing his circle around the bullpen. He sinks back into his chair as he utters the last words of the song, resigned and almost sad as he filters back into reality, still zoned out and staring at the recipient of the heart song.

_God, she’s so tired._

Without thinking about it first, she kicks off with her feet and rolls her chair over next to Tobin’s desk.

“Hey, Tobes.”

He jumps when she speaks, head turning quickly towards her and she’s honestly _impressed_ he didn’t hear her roll up. He must have it _bad,_ huh? (Or he’s just shocked because _really?_ She has _never_ called him _Tobes_ before.)

“Oh, ‘sup, Red?” He’s fast to resume his casual posture, pretending she didn’t just scare the living daylights out of him _and_ that he hadn’t been staring wistfully at his best friend. She doesn’t quite know how to tell him that he’s _not_ a very good actor.

“I’m gonna skip the preamble,” Her voice is as hushed as she can make it without seeming suspicious. “I think you’re in love with Leif.”

She watches his face go through every conceivable emotion as his jaw flaps open and closed. It’s _uncharacteristic,_ to say the least, for Tobin of all people to be speechless. He’s _always_ got a quip or a deflection or _some kind of comment._ He must _really_ have it bad, jeez.

“I’m not -” The time it takes him to get his thoughts together enough to _speak_ seems like an eternity. She almost _misses_ when he would just talk without thinking. “Why would you say that? What would - What in the _world_ would make you think that?”

“Tobin,” She lets a sigh tumble from her lips, sinking further into her chair. “I’m so tired, honestly. It’s midnight, we’re trying to finish this thing so Joan doesn’t kick our asses, I’m _so tired._ And you’ve been staring at Leif for roughly ten minutes. Just staring. A lot of love in your eyes, maybe some yearning, but _definitely_ staring and definitely staring _at Leif._ It would save us both a lot of time if you’d just admit it and I can help you sort this whole thing out.”

He looks indignant for a second and her mind flashes back to two weeks prior when she’d seen the exact same expression come across Leif’s face followed by the exact same deflation.

“It doesn’t matter, Zo.” _She’s gonna scream._ “Even if I did love him or like him or… whatever. There’s nothing to sort out. He’s… He’s _Leif._ You really think he’d want _me?”_

_Oh, my god. They’re both idiots._

“I do, actually.” He’s clearly taken by surprise by such a direct and honest answer. “I think he’d want you a lot and I think you’d be very cute together if you’d just talk to each other like adults, instead of this _bullshit_ ‘am I good enough for him’ game you’re both playing. It’s _exhausting.”_

“We’re _both_ playing? Hang on, did Leif -”

“Seriously, Tobin, just _talk_ to him. _Please._ ” She doesn’t think she could be closer to begging right now. She is _so… tired…_

For a second, she thinks he’s gonna resist again, probably say something else in _denial_ , but he opens his mouth to speak and then closes it.

_“If you insist.”_

Oh, _thank god._ Maybe Tobin does have a functioning brain cell bouncing around somewhere in there.

* * *

That weekend feels like an eternity. It’s not that she _wants_ to go to work on Monday, but she does _really want_ to see if this awkward Tobin and Leif situation has been resolved at all since Tobin had left her with an _‘if you insist’_ and kept working until they’d all gone home.

She actually doesn’t believe the relief that floods her system when she gets off the elevator and walks towards the bullpen to see Leif leaning over Tobin from behind his chair, elbows resting on his shoulders and pressing a kiss to his cheek, laughing at something Tobin’s got up on his screen.

Tobin catches her eyes as she heads towards her desk and mouths a _‘thank you’_ that Leif doesn’t see. She smiles and lets herself feel good for a second as Tobin’s attention is drawn back to Leif with another kiss to his cheek. _Yeah, sometimes things can turn out okay._

**Author's Note:**

> pleeeease comment i'd die for feedback especially on something i've been working on for so long! ty for reading and i hope you enjoyed it :D


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